The Creator creates the way. I went to the Secretary of State earlier today. Last September, my brother let me use his car (because I didn’t have one). It was only to be for about four months. In February, this year, I contacted him to make arrangements to get his car back to him. He asked me if I had another one and I said “no”. He said keep it. Okay, about a month ago, he texted me and said “he felt like Oprah”, meaning he’s giving me the car.
Today, I went to the SOS to get the title transferred to my name. The young lady asked me who did I get the car from and I said my brother. She asked if he was my biological brother and I said yes. Because of our connection, I did not have to pay any sales tax, so the cost to transfer the car to my name + an instant hard-copy title was $20.04.
For some reason this had me reflecting on yesterday.
In March, 1998, knowing my signature would no longer be needed on the FAFSA educational documents; I left 19 years of service with the Michigan Department of Corrections. No, it was not a planned move. There wasn’t a retirement or pension to collect at that time. I had too little service with not enough years of age. Leaving was more like something that pulled me to do what I was doing. Before I left, my friend and Human Resource specialist tried her best to convince me to take a Waive Rights Leave of Absence, and I said to her that if I did that, it would mean I lacked Faith. One reason I left was to help my sister care for our grandfather; although I knew that was a component, an addendum to the intention. In fact, sometime before I left my job, during Meditations, it was shown to me that a continuation of my path was leaving this job with basically, the clothes on my back. This scared me – so much so, I stopped meditating for a long time.
When I left this job in 1998, I was not married, nor did I have a boyfriend, etc., to help me with bills, whom I could share my thoughts with or get support from. I departed with my faith and yes, my fear. I didn’t even let my mother know I quit until six months later. Mind you, I’m a grown woman and I was afraid to let my mother know what I’d done. I’m not sure why I didn’t let my beautiful babies know right away…I think I didn’t want them to be afraid for me or disappointed in me.
Since 1998, I’ve been self reliant. For 4 years, I had the pleasure of sharing quarters with another, and 2 of those working for a temp agency.
Yes, there were times I felt helplessness, I’ve even felt hopelessness…a fear beyond words to describe. I remember riding the bus being the only time I felt safe. It was the only time no one could hound or harass me about paying this or that bill. I smile though because even during those times, I never said or felt I made a mistake. Funny, in the depth of the abyss, that never entered my mind.
In the midst of my conversations with God, I cried aloud because I felt the absence of God. Many times, I cried myself to sleep, and even now as I type this, I grow teary thinking about the loneliness and despair I sometimes felt. When I laid my head on my pillow and curled myself in my bed, I was alone. When I crunched numbers on pieces of paper desperately trying to make things add up, I was alone. When I cried because, yes, sometimes I disappointed myself…I was alone. When I looked up to the sky and asked why was this part of my path, I was alone. When sometimes my heart would beat so fast because of my fear, I was alone. I was alone in my thought, because I just didn’t want anyone, especially my beautiful baby girls seeing the emptiness I felt…so I was alone.
Seventeen years (seems like yesterday…hummm, I guess it is). In all this time, in the midst of Courage and Fear…I had nothing to fear. I’ve had some bitter fears and yes, indeed, I’ve had some sweet joys and harmonies. I’ve learned I was not alone…just like you, I am All One with the Creator.
As I look back, I prayed to be an entrepreneur in the true sense of the word – to be self reliant. I prayed to be… I prayed to have the freedom of choice. I contemplate on learning to let go…let it flow.
I smile as I look back at all the small and mighty miracles, the joy, the sweet taste of honey. Would I change the last 17 years of my life? Not a chance!!! The last 17 years has brought me here…I’m lovin’ the journey, the road I’m walkin, the gravel I feel beneath my feet. And now I’m onward, inward and upward to the next phase and I’m so very excited. Oh, how I look forward to my tomorrows. There’s magic in the air!!! Hahahahahahaha…The Creator creates the way. TYF!!!
Take a Selfie on the Inside and TAPN2U – Beautiful You, in…lifelightlove*anita